I went to grad school twice, once for my (terminal) master’s degree and again, separately, for my PhD. There are some things I am glad I did and there are some things I learned to do along the way and there are some regrets I collected from myself and from other people. Here are the lessons I learned so that you don’t have to.
Go to grad school because you want to be in grad school. Don’t go to grad school if it’s something to endure in order to get to the next step. If the next step requires grad school then the next step is probably like grad school, so if you don’t enjoy grad school then you are at serious risk of not enjoying the next step. (Unless the thing you don’t enjoy about grad school is a lack of independence. Your next step will probably give you more independence.)
When you finish grad school, if you do not stay in academia, it is possible that you will find yourself on the same level and with the same pay as people who did not go to grad school. You might be a few years ahead of them. For this reason, it is extra important that you actually enjoyed the journey.
You might never recover the money you lost by going to grad school. Your friends from college will likely sail past you, salary-wise, house-buying-wise, lifestyle-wise. If this makes you sad, if you think this might make you bitter, if this is going to fill you with regret, you might want to consider not going to grad school.
If you’re going to be in the same town for a while, buy property as soon as you have money for a down payment, even if it’s not your forever home. If you’re living in a place with a research university, cost of living, rent, and house prices are going to go up noticeably within your time in grad school.
But don’t buy a fixer-upper. You do not have time or money for a fixer-upper in grad school.
Grad school is a great time to not have your shit together. Have a mental illness? Figure it out in grad school. Have some other kind of chronic illness? Have the massive number of doctor’s appointments needed to get to maintenance (if it is something that has a maintenance stage of treatment) in grad school. Have a breakdown? Do it in grad school. Need to find your purpose in life, or at least some semblance of direction? Do it in grad school.
Set daily and weekly goals.
Take advantage of your university’s academic resource center and career center.
By the end of grad school, you should be coming up with your own ideas.
To come up with ideas, read papers and talk to people.
Join a journal club to find, read, and discuss papers. If there isn’t a journal club on the topic you want to learn about, start one.
Keep a code bank in a public GitHub repository. Every time you write a generalizable script, add it to the repository. The repository should have an organized, human-readable list of scripts with links to each script. You will be able to point people to your code bank when someone asks how to do something, and you will be able to look up scripts you forgot you wrote so you don’t have to write them again. This applies even if you use AI to help you write code, because even AI prompts take time. Here is my code bank: https://github.com/lakras/bio-helper-scripts
When you code, your comments should be so detailed and frequent that you don’t have to read a single line of code in order to understand what the code does and how.
At the top of every script, write a few sentences about what it does, what the inputs are, and what the output is.
Every time you run something on the command line, save the command in a plain text file with a few words on what it does. Keep one text file per analysis. That way, if you have to redo something it will be easy.
When you learn how to do something, write a guide on how to do it. Make the guide public so that you can point people to it when they ask you how you did something and so that you do not lose it. This guide is also for future you, because if what you learned how to do is complicated enough that you felt the need to write a guide, it is probably also complicated enough that you will forget what you did.
Unless your work is unattainable (unless it is based on an unpublished dataset that would not be easy for other people to replicate, for example), do not present unpublished results at conferences or talks outside of your lab and department.
Rather than writing your dissertation at the end of grad school, write it throughout grad school. Start writing your dissertation early, and find a way to squeeze everything you do into it. Paper you wrote your first year of grad school? Parts of it might be your introduction. Deep thoughts at 4am? Some of them might be your conclusion. An idea you chased down that doesn’t fit into the theme of the paper, and isn’t going to be a chapter? It can be in the appendix. I wrote most of my conclusion on my phone during a road trip (just as I am writing this blog post on my phone during an intercity bus trip).
When you are working on a project, write as you go, not at the end.
Outline what you think your paper might look like as soon as you get the idea. Having an outline will keep your work focused on the final product and the story it is telling. It’ll be easy to modify your outline as the project evolves. This outline, as you add to it, becomes your working paper draft.
Your working paper draft should be in the cloud and shareable. I use Google docs.
Even if you plan to improve on what you are doing and even if you are not sure if an analysis will make it into the paper, write it up in the methods section of your working paper draft. Then you won’t need to dig through your notes to write up your methods months later when you don’t remember what you did, and it’ll be easy to edit your methods section as your methods evolve. Writing your methods as you go will also keep you conscious of how your analyses evolve, so that you do not go in circles.
Write up your results as you get them. It will be helpful to see each of your results in context of all your results, and help you see the story they are telling.
Keep track of the papers you read that are relevant to your project. Maintain a list of papers pointing to relevant quotes or figures. Ideally, this list should be viewable from your working paper draft, so that other people can add to it. It might be helpful to use citation management software for this, like Zotero, but I never got into it and am put off by how frequently people end up with problems with their citation manager.
Every time you generate a figure panel, make it a publication-ready pdf. (Don’t arrange your figure panels into figures until the very end, but do put them in order next to their corresponding text in your working paper draft.)
When an analysis gets cut out of the paper, copy its methods, results, and figure panels into a separate document for analyses that were cut, or at the bottom of the document where you keep your working draft. Even if you didn’t get far, copy it over. This will prevent you from going down the same rabbit hole more than once.
Share your working paper draft with your collaborators and advisor early. They’ll be able to comment on it early, when their feedback can most easily be incorporated, they will be able to see the direction the project is moving in.
Strongly encourage your collaborators to edit and contribute to the working draft and to add their own analyses to the paper as they evolve. You will all be able to see the big picture of the project and how your individual parts fit in.
Be careful using the words it and this in your papers. Make sure the reader does not have to double back to figure out what it or this stands for.
Back up your working paper draft every day that you work on it, even if it is version controlled, even if it is in the cloud. I download my Google docs as Word files on my computer.
Back up the full contents of your laptop at least once every few months, on the cloud or on external hard drives. I keep two redundant external hard drives, one of which I store at home and one of which I store at work (in a locked drawer at my desk).
Speaking of paranoia, get a cash lock box and store your store-bought lunches in there, especially if you bring multiple lunches, especially if they are nice Trader Joe’s lunches. Write your name and email or phone number on the bottom of the lock box in case anyone has a problem with it. I have never encountered a shared office fridge that food doesn’t get stolen from.
Schedule regular check-ins with your advisor, even if they don’t schedule them themselves. At the start of grad school I wanted to meet more frequently with my advisor but did not know that I was expected to take initiate to schedule those meetings myself. Then, when we did meet after a long time without meeting, my advisor asked why I had not scheduled more meetings—it turned out she wanted to meet with me more frequently, too. Big miscommunication.
If your advisor is too busy for longer check-ins, schedule shorter check-ins. If your advisor is too busy for short check-ins, ask if you can walk with them on their way to somewhere.
Make sure that expectations of you are explicit and clear. This applies to expectations from your advisor and expectations from your collaborators. If they aren’t explicit and clear, ask.
Run your ideas by your advisor before you put a lot of time into them.
Talk with alumni from your lab about what they are doing after grad school and what they do and don’t like about it, to give you an idea about what you might like or not like to do after grad school.
You might want to be a professor, and you might not want to be a professor. Some professors are happy, but the professors that are miserable seem to be very miserable.
Take every opportunity you can to present your work to an audience. This will help you get good at presenting your work, it will give you opportunities to get feedback on your work, and it will get more people knowing who you are and what you work on.
Every time you publish a paper with a finding that is relevant to the general public or at least interesting, write it up in an accessible way and post it in a blog post or on Twitter (I refuse to call it X) at bare minimum.
If you want to, you can contact news stations and magazines and see if they are interested. I’ve never done it, but the place I worked in in grad school had a communications department that did it for us.
If you want to, start a TikTok or Instagram about your (published) work and what you learn in grad school. One of my friends from my cohort got Internet famous with his science TikTok, which both is very cool and also probably didn’t not help him land a professorship right out of grad school.
Be on social media wherever your field is on social media. When you read a paper you enjoyed, follow its authors on social media so that you can learn from them and get notifications about new papers they have published.
Try to teach at some point, even if your department doesn’t require it. This will help you figure out if you want to be a professor, it will help you identify and correct gaps in your knowledge of your field, and it will make you better at presenting your own work.
But don’t get distracted from your research!
If you have teaching requirements and you think that teaching will distract you from your research, consider squeezing your teaching into one semester, and not doing any research during that semester. I taught my required three sections in one very stressful semester. As a bonus, it was a lot less work than teaching three semesters would have been, because I simply did the same thing three times in a row each day.
Don’t listen to music while you work. At the very least try working with music, try working without music, and see which version is more productive and enjoyable.
Treat your work like a job. Set your hours, show up during your hours, and try to disconnect outside of those hours.
Don’t work during vacations.
Don’t show up to meetings during vacations.
Or during dinner.
Don’t work for at least one day every weekend.
Have hobbies.
Maintain friendships, both in your department (especially with your cohort) and from your life before grad school. If you can’t meet in person, meet with coffee or lunch over zoom.
Show up to departmental happy hours.
Bring food to share at work sometimes. Baked goods or Halloween candy.
Work out at least once a week.
Get dental insurance, even if grad school doesn’t supply it, and see a dentist.
Ask around and go to the dentist your colleagues go to (that takes your insurance).
Even if you have the flexibility to work remote, show up to the office at least twice a week. I’ve found that I am much more productive and take fewer breaks and procrastinate less when I am physically in the office. It also helps you to get to know your colleagues, which leads to friendship, collaboration, and helpful feedback and new ideas as you share what you are each working on.
To the extent that you have control over authorship, be extremely generous with authorship.
If your lab pits trainees against each other, find another lab.
If the people in your lab stress you out enough that it is hard to focus on your work, find another lab.
If you are going to quit, quit early. This applies to projects, this applies to classes, and this applies to grad school.
When the pandemic started my partner Cory and I were in Florida with my family in a relatively isolated house. We knew we were returning to Boston to a lockdown and my parents knew they were returning to Pennsylvania to a lockdown. When we flew back we were given wipes to wipe down our seats and paper placemats came with the in-flight snacks, which like many of the things we did seem bizarre and futile in retrospect. Masks were as yet not a thing in the United States.
I was going stir-crazy in lockdown and signed myself and Cory up for every vaccine trial registry I could find. My main project at work was shut down and after I passed my qualifying exam over zoom I was stuck at home reading news articles and wanting to contribute something, anything to society, to the fight against covid specifically. I also wanted me and Cory to get vaccinated as soon as possible.
I was contacted about two trials: the first I was not high risk enough to qualify for; the second, the trial for the Novavax vaccine, we qualified for by virtue of living in a large apartment building with a shared stairwell and fluid airflow between apartments. I was also doing the grocery shopping at that point, which meant pre-organizing the shopping list by aisle and speed-running Market Basket at $10/minute. This was when Market Basket had a long line outside for density control and we were driving our first car, a 2001 Highlander that felt illegal to drive and indeed failed its next inspection.
Unlike the other covid vaccines, the Novavax vaccine is protein-based, which means it can live in the fridge. The vaccine includes a modified spike protein and an adjuvant. The spike protein is made using moth cells. The adjuvant is from soapbark tree extract. That the vaccine is protein-based makes it easier to transport and, I think, more palatable to people who are vaccine-hesitant.
These changed a bit as the study went on, but the initial planned study visits were:
a pre-screening phone call
a virtual screen (informed consent over zoom)
an in-person vaccination/placebo visit (3-4 hours)
a second vaccination visit 21 days later
both shots again
a check-in at 3 months
6 months
12 months
18 months
and 24 months
The study was double-blind: everyone got four shots, with either the first two (2/3rds chance) or the last two (1/3rd chance) being the real vaccine and the other two being placebo (saline). This was my first experience with the placebo effect in my own body: when I got shots 1 and 2 I was convinced they were the real deal, but after shot 4 I am quite confident that shots 3 and 4 were the vaccine and shots 1 and 2 were placebo.
The study also involved substantial self-reporting. We kept a diary in an app on our phones where we reported our temperature (measured with a provided thermometer) and presence or absence of a list of potential symptoms. If we had a fever of at least 100 degrees or symptoms for two days in a row, the app triggered reporting of additional symptoms and blood oxygen levels, we self-administered and refrigerated provided nose swabs for three days, and we reported to the study site in person for a check-up, an interview, and additional nose swabs.
As part of Operation Warp Speed, we got paid a lot of money for being in this trial compared to non-covid vaccine trials. We got paid for every shot, we got paid for routine check-ins and blood draws, and we got paid to come in when we got sick. The money was deposited on a debit card. We also got snacks at every visit.
Shot 1: Placebo (probably)
January 21st, 2021.
When we got home we were completely wiped out. We both fell asleep on the couch in the living room, me flopped on top of Cory, both of us in very uncomfortable positions.
My arm hurt for three days. I had fatigue, malaise, and a headache for two days and joint pain for three days. The placebo effect was so strong, I assumed at the time that I had gotten the real shot. Maybe the effect was from being injected with saline. Maybe the effect was from the disruption to my routine. Maybe the effect was from expecting an effect.
Fatigue for four days, malaise for a day, muscle pain and joint pain for two days.
Shot 3: The real deal, first dose
April 27th, 2021.
Diarrhea the day after the shot, probably not from the shot but who knows.
Here are the day’s snacks:
Here’s the study check-in area and the room where I hung out during the visit:
Here is my blood draw:
Finally, here are the buttons to the elevator, which we quite liked. The down button is the top button. The bottom button, which should be the down button, is the button for medical emergencies.
Shot 4: The second dose
May 18th, 2021.
Here is when I determined that shots 3 and 4 were probably the real deal and shots 1 and 2 were probably placebo. Fever, shortness of breath, headache, muscle aches, and fatigue for two days.
Here are my snacks and my temporary vax card:
This vax card was soon replaced with a more legitimate-looking, cardstock vax card that as you can tell for a long time lived folded up in my phone wallet:
After the initial vaccine trial we had the option of sticking around for the booster trial. This one was not double-blind: everyone got one shot, and that one shot was the real deal.
Shot 5: The booster
January 18th, 2022.
Pain in my arm for three days, tenderness for four days, and redness for two days. Fatigue for five days, malaise for three days, muscle and joint pain for four days, and headache for two days.
Being in the Novavax trial was probably the most meaningful thing I did during the pandemic, especially early in the pandemic, and possibly one of the most impactful things I will end up doing in my lifetime. It gave me purpose at a time when I felt like the news was happening to me and there was nothing I could do about it, and there was nothing I could do to stop myself and my loved ones and the city around me from being washed into the course of history. It is very special to me that I got to be a part of getting a vaccine out into the world.
I hope someday I’ll be chosen for another vaccine study. Because would I do it again? Without question.
About a week ago we the grad students in our lab virtually hosted a panel* of a few* of the lab alumni who after their postdocs with us are now professors. I get a lot of messaging (from the University, surprisingly, and from student groups and of course from twitter) against academia and toward industry—about the transition from academia to industry, about destigmatizing “leaving” academia, about the flaws in the academic system, about low pay in academia, about how miserable everyone is, etc.—, I think to try to balance the pressure to follow an academic career path after a PhD but somehow at least the pieces that reach me have tipped in the other direction, to the extent that I don’t think I receive much pro-academia or even happy-academia messaging at all. I really enjoyed this panel. Everyone seemed happy. After the conversations I’m used to it was like stepping out of a loud smoke-filled bar into an open hillside with cows grazing. I want to share it with you, in case you see a potential future for yourself in academia, like I do, because I was reassured to know that that hopeful future can stay hopeful and light and that there are people in my field who love their jobs.
We asked about what we can do in grad school to be better prepared for a career in academia. Along the same lines, we also asked what the most important and underrated skill to focus on building in a postdoc is:
You learn A LOT as a grad student.
The fellowships you apply for are great practice in writing proposals. You get better at it; you learn how to use feedback.
Learn all of the stuff that happens behind the scenes—what gets funded, what doesn’t. Learn how money is spent.
Network and find connections.
Write papers well.
Learn the nitty-gritty of your science, but also the big picture of your science.
As a PI, managing people is new—being a cheerleader for the team is critical, and it’s something you can work on in a postdoc.
On applying to postdocs and finding a good lab for your postdoc:
When looking for a postdoc, look for the specific things YOU need to grow in.
Meet with people at conferences.
Meet others in the lab to get the vibe of the lab you’re interested in.
Tell people DIRECTLY and candidly that you are applying for postdocs. BE DIRECT.
Your postdoc is your last opportunity to do something totally different from what you’ve been doing.
Getting a postdoc is all about personal connections, or it can be.
For your postdoc, find a lab that gives autonomy—enough autonomy to learn how to run a research project, with training wheels. You don’t want a lab where postdocs are treated like “super grad students.”
A larger lab can be more autonomous. On the other hand, there can be less opportunity for direct mentorship from the PI in a large lab.
Get a fellowship; then you can go wherever you want.
On applying for professorship jobs:
The job committee wants to know what you’re doing that will make science better for their university in the future.
The job committee also wants to know you can bring in grants.
Talk with faculty in the department you’re applying to.
Your applications are a crapshoot—the commitee uses imperfect heuristics to get the job done. There’s a lot behind the scenes you can’t see from the job posting.
Don’t make enemies—a single advocate can push your application forward, while a single nemesis can sink you.
Apply to a lot of positions.
You have an edge if you have interesting science, connections, and a well-written proposal.
Pay attention to teaching requirements—at a non-R1 university, you will actually be teaching, whereas in other universities you might have very few teaching responsibilities. Our panelists had a wide range of teaching requirements, from a lot to almost none.
Look for the kind of position YOU WANT.
On moving (or not moving) for jobs in academia:
There is a bias against people who don’t want to move or are attached to a particular area.
On the other hand, passion to be in a certain location can also be an advantage, and a big one, because it also shows you are more likely to take the position. If you’re targeted in your search, your commitment comes through.
Interviewers might legally not be allowed to ask about your partner or your personal life, depending on the state. Tell them up front about your partner, their job needs, and any other parts of your personal life that affect your job search and your interest in and needs within this particular job.
On the job of being a PI:
You learn quickly as a PI that even though you’re the same person you always were, everything you say carries more weight than it did before you got the Professor title.
Think about and try to learn whether or not you will actually like the job of being a PI. The actual job involves a lot of management and a lot of writing.
Once you become a professor, there is no one you report to regarding what you are doing as long as you can get money.
There is room to make the job what you want it to be, but even small labs come with a lot of work; making even a small team run is really hard.
One of us asked when our panelists found “their thing”:
One of our panelists got hooked in undergrad (“some fire was lit inside of me in one class”), which as a person who also occasionally teaches made me very happy to hear.
In science, some things you find interesting, while some things FASCINATE you.
Going down rabbit holes* is a good fit for academia.
You have to be creative and excited about your ideas.
You should try to find an intersection between what people will give you money to study and what you are naturally interested in (—and that intersection might also be a role in industry).
On doing science:
Just do the science you really want to do; don’t think just about tenure.
Have a proven track record of fantastic research.
Look for opportunities as you encounter them.
Have a five-year goal that you slowly move towards, but keep all doors open. If getting to your five-year goal will be miserable or you’ll hate the process, that’s a red flag and a sign that your five-year goal should change. Your five-year goal needs to be fun, exciting, and interesting along the way.
General advice:
When you need to get in touch with a professor, email them multiple times—again if they don’t respond.
At every point in your academic career, your life keeps going. Don’t put it on hold—live your life.
“I liked what I was doing.”—enjoy it. Don’t torture yourself. Your job should be a job you love.
* (I organized this panel, which was one of those things I was very very excited for then forgot I did until I appeared at the meeting thankfully on time and was surprised and delighted to discover that that thing I wanted to happen was, indeed, happening, and happening now, and I was doing it, and doing it now—and then it went great and it was really lovely.)
* (We have TONS of lab alumni who are now professors with labs of their own, but I like a panel of three people; any more than three feels like we wouldn’t really get to know anyone.)
Our labmates Cindy and Jess decorated the lab for Halloween! The decorations have been spookening my life all October.
The spiderwebs are my favorite by far. They extend into my own office window.
And of course candy.
My desk is also decorated, but I keep these decorations up year-round. The scraggly tree is winter and autumn. Pumpkins are autumn, and everything green including pumpkins is winter, springtime, and summer.
The framed prints from the MFA are my museum exhibit, but I haven’t had a chance to put them up since we moved offices.
This is my favorite window view at work. It is right by the coffee machine in the little kitchenette on the 6th floor of the Broad, where I work. When I am waiting for my coffee I like to stand by this window. The view is of a corner of the Broad Institute and one side of the Whitehead Institute. Every square in this large grid is a part of a lab; each little window contains miniature people like me whose days are spent in the lab and in front of the computer—in my view, just a two-dimensional glass square and sometimes the publications that ultimately flow out of it; to them, everything, and if they looked out their window they’d see me waiting for my coffee and I would be small.
This is my favorite window view at home. We live in Peabody, which is not quite a suburb, more a small town in its own right but without the usual trappings of a small town, and far too far away to be an extension of Boston like Cambridge is. As I write this it’s raining, and foggy, and dark—the start of spring. Cars bring up rain from the street and their headlights illuminate it and the lights and the chimneys and the treetops are outlined in the bright night sky, and you can just see the lights on our fence. I grew up in a neighborhood without fences, low to the ground; now I live and I work exclusively in tall places, surrounded always by the little lights of other people’s lives.
In 2020, right before the start of the pandemic, I bought myself tickets to see Carmen at the Boston Ballet as a late birthday present. Carmen was postponed to August, then canceled, and now in 2022 I have transferred my tickets finally to see a ballet set to the Rolling Stones as a late birthday present.
Ballet has a magical effect. The last time I went to the ballet I saw Robbins. I was just about to start my PhD. On the way home on the train platform waiting for the Red Line, looking over the tracks at the other platform, everything seemed magical, timed. For a few hours I saw intention in everyone’s movements and postures and I felt a beautiful connection to the train schedule and to the city and everywhere I looked I saw mathematics and art. I felt myself a part of a giant clock, ticking and ticking and me so small in it. And tonight looking out at the windows and the fog I feel a part of a giant clock, ticking and ticking and me so small in it.
Every PhD student I talk with seems to have a different qualifying exam and a different qualifying exam experience. My department, Organismic and Evolutionary Biology at Harvard, has a very flexible and customizable quals, in line with the overall very flexible and customizable PhD program. Our qualifying exams usually happen in the second (G2) year, and consist of the following parts:
Three committee members, in addition to your advisor, one of them (not your advisor) Chair of the committee—all available at the same time, all in the same room (or zoom room). This part was trickier than I expected. The committee does not all have to be from the department, which helps. Connecting with professors I had already had excellent and productive interactions with helped. Asking for broad availability before sending out possible exam times helped. Booking the room well in advance helped (but did not end up being necessary in my case).
A written dissertation research proposal describing the work you plan to do during the rest of your PhD. I have been told that a lot of people end up deviating from the proposal. My proposal consisted entirely of projects I had already started and am committed to finishing. Even so, I am already doing work I could not have even imagined when I wrote my proposal, even though I wrote it something like seven months ago.
Three syllabi of courses you think you are qualified to teach, on varying topics and of varying levels. This is open ended and different from what I usually do and (I think) a lot of fun.
An oral exam, up to three hours long, consisting of two parts. First, you present and answer questions about your work. This part is (I think) a lot of fun. Then, the committee asks you questions, guided but not constrained by your syllabi, to find the depth (or shallowness) of your knowledge. This part is (I think) a lot harder and less fun.
I passed my quals in the spring, during my G3 year, on Monday, April 13th (like Friday the 13th but worse, because it’s a Monday). We’re required to pass sometime during the G3 year, so I just slipped under the radar. (I had also scheduled a back-up time a few weeks later in case I failed, but I did not end up needing it (!!!!).) April 13th was at the very end of the very start of the pandemic in the United States—my quals were virtual, over zoom. I had originally timed the exam to be right before my mom’s birthday and just after my dad’s and brother’s birthdays, and planned to go home to Pennsylvania right after, hopefully accomplished and with a weight off my shoulders and with full focus on family. Of course that did not happen, and I haven’t seen my family since spring break in March. Instead, I got back from my own birthday with my family over spring break in Florida to a lockdown, thinking it was temporary, and focused fully on quals prep.
I wrote my dissertation research proposal first, with three chapters covering my three in-progress projects (and one tiny transition chapter-ish section covering a relevant smaller completed project). These wound up being 1,970+510+2,245+2,628 = 7,353 words not including references and took a lot longer than I expected, largely because the writing required a lot of reading. I then compiled my syllabi. I got carried away and added far too many papers; I ended up (by request of my committee) sending another version with key papers highlighted. This sequence of events was bad, because it allowed early tasks to steal preparation time from later tasks; it was also good, because it allowed me to work on just one thing at a time, which (I think) I am better at than I am at multitasking. I give a lot of presentations at work, so my slide deck covering my research was largely already ready—which meant that in the weeks leading up to my exam I was able to focus almost entirely on reading the papers on my syllabus.
The exam itself was fine. I took it sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table in our living room, with my computer on the coffee table and cups and cups of water and coffee just offscreen on the floor next to me. I was very nervous leading up to the exam and didn’t sleep, which was a mistake. My presentation of my research was excellent, I think, though (not surprisingly) I was not able to get to everything I wanted to talk about and we exceeded the allotted time. The oral exam was a weaker point. I did not know the papers on my syllabus well enough to answer pointed questions about the material anywhere near as well as I would like, even though I had read every paper. I was very nervous, and made some embarrassingly dumb mistakes. In retrospect, for both the presentation and the syllabi, it would have been better to give myself less material—to go deeper into the material on the syllabi and to go less deep into my own work, at least for the presentation (not the written proposal).
When I entered the time crunch of the last few weeks left I put together a spreadsheet tracking my progress and timing of remaining work. (You update the count of papers you’ve read in the “done” columns and everything else fills in automatically.) I make a spreadsheet like this one every time I have some work to do that is both time pressured and easily quantified, which is rarely the case in grad school (except for quals prep) but was usually the case in undergrad. I started making these kinds of spreadsheets a few weeks into freshman year; my friend Mika taught me pretty much immediately after we both arrived on campus. It is motivating and reassuring and probably also a method of procrastinating. I’ve attached a version of my spreadsheet below, with Halloween set as the deadline, in case you would like to go nuts in the way I particularly like to go nuts and use it as a template or inspiration:
All in all I spent about exactly a month on full-time/overtime quals prep (pretty much quals prep and sleeping (probably not enough sleeping) and very little else) from the middle of March to the middle of April. I think it was good for me to constrain this chapter of the unending project of self-improvement and mind expansion—but if I could go back in time, I would have started compiling my syllabi and reading the papers on my syllabi during the first year of my PhD. Some of the texts on my syllabi are material I read and learned at the start of my PhD, but because I chose to also include a lot of material I wanted to know well but didn’t, there was a lot for me to read leading up to the exam and I am not satisfied with how well I absorbed some of it. Reading just one or two papers a week spread out over a year would have probably resulted in far better retention and learning, and would have allowed me to dedicate more time to getting everything I could from each paper. At the time I was intimidated by the process of putting together my syllabi, but I didn’t need to be. Organizing my favorites of the papers I was already reading into vague themes would have been a good enough start to later retrofit to the desired format.
I have been told that some students dedicate an entire semester to preparing for quals. I don’t think I would like to do that (and if the pandemic hadn’t paused my primary project I probably would have continued to try to multitask and continue working on research—which probably would have ended badly for my qualifying exam, though who knows), but focusing entirely on reading and writing for a stretch of time was very productive for me.
I learned a lot, both about my current projects while preparing my dissertation research proposal and about what kinds of work and tools are available to me in the field more broadly while preparing my syllabi. As I expected, having to write out the current and future directions of my current projects and having to read deeply enough to write every sentence with full truth and confidence forced me to gain a much, much better understanding of my own work and of the adjacent literature. What surprised me was that when I returned to my research after my qualifying exam, I returned with a lot of clarity of a sort I hadn’t had before. I knew where I was and where I was going in my current projects. I also found myself coming up with exciting new project ideas at a rate and of a quality (if I may say so myself) I hadn’t expected from myself at this stage of my career; quals definitely caused a leap in my ability to think like a scientist.
The document itself is also helpful as a compilation—I rather frequently refer back to my project proposals, my syllabi, and especially the references at the end of each project proposal. My strategy in undergrad and at the start of grad school was to do the science first, then write only when the science was done. Now I am trying something new and writing the paper as I go, and I find that so far it has made the work far more focused, informed, and efficient, and has give me a way to identify (and hopefully fix) problems and gaps in my work well before I try to build anything on them.
To sum up, here is my advice to anyone getting ready to prepare for their qualifying exam:
Start identifying and reading papers for the exam well in advance, even before you actually start officially preparing for the exam—a little at a time. Amortize as much as you can of the paper reading part of the work.
For every paper you read, put together a few sentences summarizing the key takeaways from the paper. Review your list of papers and summaries in the days leading up to the exam.
I found quals to be a great opportunity to learn things I did not know but wanted to know. You can fill your syllabi with material you know well, material you want to learn, or a mix. Consider what you want to get out of the experience and plan from there.
When scheduling the test, first ask your committee for broad swaths of time (weeks or months) that are or aren’t good and for any recurring commitments when they are always busy. Then send out a poll with specific test time options. I initially sent out a poll with five timeslots, and then when none of those worked I sent out another poll with ten additional timeslots. I had access to two of my four committee members’ calendars, which helped. I also found it helpful to allow committee members to give each time slot a score from 1 to 5 (5—extremely convenient, 3—I can make it work, 1—doesn’t work for me) rather than just saying yes/no/maybe, which made it easier to work with potential scheduling conflicts. Here is what my first scheduling form looked like:
Send out and ask your committee to reserve time for not one, but two three-hour timeslots for your exam, several weeks apart. This way, it won’t be as hard to reschedule your test on short notice if someone has an emergency or a conference or an unexpected vacation or speaking opportunity. And if you fail your test you have another one already lined up with time to prepare for it.
Don’t worry about fitting everything into your presentation. If you’re anything like me, you should make the presentation itself shorter than you think it should be—if you have more slides, then you can have plenty of hidden slides ready in case they come up in questions and discussion.
There will be questions you don’t know the answer to. Hopefully you are able to answer the shallower, easier questions before reaching something you do not know.
Have a nice, efficient stress-relief activity that doesn’t hook you into spending a lot of time on it. I almost never played video games until studying for my quals and for some reason occasionally playing Animal Crossing elevated rather than decreased my productivity, which is not something I would ever have expected.
Get plenty of sleep the nights leading up to the exam itself.
What follows is my three syllabi:
Evolutionary Perspectives on Human Disease, which is meant to be an introduction to the immune system as it appears throughout life (in humans, in animals more broadly, in plants, and in bacteria), a not very deep look at disease (infectious and otherwise) across life, and interactions between and co-evolution of infectious agents and their hosts, especially when the hosts are human (but also, briefly, when the hosts are bacteria), culminating in the evolution of the placenta.
Microbial Inhabitants and Infectious Agents of the Human Body, which is a sweeping view of past outbreaks and epidemics, culminating in the current COVID-19 pandemic, as well as short visit to some of the microbes that we more happily coexist with.
Introduction to Data Analysis Methods for Biological Inference, which covers everything from experimental design and statistical tests to multivariate models to GWAS and PCA to how sequencing works and metagenomic sequencing and genome assembly and phylogenetic trees, culminating in an exploration of how genomic sequencing can be used to track and react to infectious disease outbreaks (which is one of the things that I work on).
I tried to design the syllabi as if I were actually teaching these courses—and I would actually be very excited to teach them. They encompass, I think, most of what I know that is most relevant to my research, including a lot of things that I did not know until I put these syllabi together, found gaps in my knowledge that I was not satisfied with, and filled them. (I would also like to teach creative writing, but alas.)
You might notice that the readings include both actual papers and science journalism, in some cases science journalism about papers that are also included. (This actually came up as a question during my exam!) Including both was a very intentional choice: science journalism—specifically, Popular Science and then MIT Technology Review—was the first context in which I read about and got excited about research. I still get most of my science news from popular science journalism, especially in fields that I am curious about but am not doing research in. My hope, if I were actually teaching these courses, is that offering both research articles and popular science would
allow students who are just starting to learn about infectious disease to engage in the class, hopefully leading to increasing comfort and a transition to the primary literature as the semester goes on,
give students who are confused about or lost in a paper a way to get untangled (and teach students to seek out ways to get untangled), and
show students some of the many different ways of writing about science, and show them good (and possibly bad) examples of how to communicate both with their peers and with a broader audience.
You might also notice that I put these syllabi together in March—some of the work on COVID-19 is already out of date.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. The next few paragraphs of this blog post includes links with my Amazon referral code. If you click one and buy something, I get up to 4% of the price as commission. You don’t have to buy these books from Amazon—you can support local bookshops by buying books from Bookshop.org, or you can buy them used and donate them to or start or build a little lending library in your neighborhood, or you can not buy anything at all. You can also support me by buying merch of my art, by buying me a campground store decaf coffee, or by simply reading and enjoying. Thank you!
There are two books I reference a lot, because I like them a lot, that I highly recommend—
Regression and Other Stories (Analytical Methods for Social Research) by Andrew Gelman, Jennifer Hill, and Aki Vehtari:
We used Regression and Other Stories in OEB 201 (Introduction to experimental design and model building for ecologists and evolutionary biologists) with Professor Lizzie Wolkovich my first semester of my PhD. The class and the textbook were both extremely useful and enjoyable—definitely one of my most efficient and relevant learning experiences. Our version of the textbook was an earlier draft, spiral bound, years before it came out—we got to read it early and we got to contribute feedback that went into the final version, which I thought was a fun and special experience and a neat way to feel connected to a work that I greatly enjoyed reading. My copy is very, very dog-eared and highlighted and covered in notes and thoughts in every margin. I refer to it often whenever I need to do any modeling or think about experimental design.
Zoobiquity: The Astonishing Connection Between Human and Animal Health by Barbara Natterson-Horowitz and Kathryn Bowers:
Zoobiquity completely changed the way I think about the human experience and broadened my view of human disease—which was extremely valuable because human disease is the focus of my work. I got to be a Teaching Fellow a few years ago for three sections of HEB 1328 (Evolutionary Medicine: Comparative Perspectives on Medical, Surgical and Psychiatric Illness) with Professor Barbara Natterson-Horowitz. The lectures largely followed the book, which is nice because it means you can get a good part of the learning by reading it.
Evolutionary Perspectives on Human Disease
Immune systems, infection, and inherited disease across life.
This is a lecture-based class introducing the human immune system from a comparative perspective, along with some of the diseases our immune systems help us fight or can cause. We will learn about immune systems across life, in bacteria, plants, humans, and non-human animals—and how comparing immune systems allows us to better understand zoonotic transmission of disease. We will then look at some examples of infectious disease and inherited disease in animals and plants, and how animal parallels of human disease have helped us solve our own, human mysteries and make strides in medicine. Finally, we will look at how pathogens and their hosts impact each other’s evolution, and how human evolution has been impacted by disease.
We will meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Every week, you are responsible for reading your choice of two of the other listed texts closely enough to be an expert, and emailing me one generous tweet-length response to each text that you choose (≤250 words each). For the last 15 minutes of each lecture, I will display two responses on the projector and we will discuss them as a class. Highlighted texts are strongly recommended.
In lieu of a final exam, you will choose your favorite of your peers’ “tweets” that we discussed in class (not your own) and use it as a jumping-off point to write a 1,000- to 2,000-word response drawing from the texts and from class discussion.
By the end of this course, you will have a broad understanding of immune systems and disease across life, and (hopefully) the value of knowing it all.
The Immune System
Week 1: The Human Immune System
“Understanding the Immune System: How It Works,” published by the NIH in 2003 [link]
“The immune system,” published in Essays in Biochemistry in 2016 [link]
“Overview of the human immune response,” published in The Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology in 2006 [link]
Week 2: Bacterial Immune Systems
“The Origin of the Bacterial Immune Response,” Chapter 1 of Self and Nonself, 2012 [link]
“Systematic discovery of antiphage defense systems in the microbial pangenome,” published in Science in 2018 [link]
“Temperate Bacterial Viruses as Double-Edged Swords in Bacterial Warfare,” published in PLOS ONE in 2013 [link]
“Viruses Have Their Own Version of CRISPR,” published in The Atlantic in 2016 [link]
Week 3: Plant Immune Systems
“The plant immune system,” published in Nature in 2016 [link]
“Origin and evolution of the plant immune system,” published in New Phytologist in 2019 [link]
Week 4: Animal Immune Systems and Evolution
“Comparative Immune Systems in Animals,” published in Annual Review of Animal Biosciences in 2014 [link]
“Origin and Evolution of Adaptive Immunity,” published in Annual Review of Animal Biosciences in 2014 [link]
“Evolution of Immune Systems From Viruses and Transposable Elements,” published in Frontiers in Microbiology in 2019 [link]
Week 5: Vector Immune Systems and Zoonotic Transmission
“The Immune Responses of the Animal Hosts of West Nile Virus: A Comparison of Insects, Birds, and Mammals,” published in Frontiers in Cellular and Infection Microbiology in 2018 [link]
“Mosquito Vectors and the Globalization of Plasmodium falciparum Malaria,” published in Annual Review of Genetics in 2016 [link]
“Host phylogenetic distance drives trends in virus virulence and transmissibility across the animal-human interface,” published in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences in 2019 [link]
“Surprise! British Red Squirrels Carry Leprosy,” published in The Atlantic in 2016 [link]
“Is It Possible to Predict the Next Pandemic?” published in The Atlantic in 2017 [link]
Week 6: Bats as Disease Vector
“Why Are Bats’ Immune Systems Totally Different From Any Other Mammal’s?” published in Popular Science in 2015 [link]
“Bats’ immune defenses may be why their viruses can be so deadly to people,” published in Science News in February 2020 [link]
“Accelerated viral dynamics in bat cell lines, with implications for zoonotic emergence,” published in eLife in 2019 [link]
“Dampened NLRP3-mediated inflammation in bats and implications for a special viral reservoir host,” published in Nature Microbiology in 2019 [link]
Infectious Disease Across Life
Week 7: Infectious Disease Across Life
“The Koala and the Clap: The Hidden Power of Infection,” Chapter 10 of Zoobiquity
“Plant and pathogen warfare under changing climate conditions,” published in Current Biology in 2018 [link]
“How Viruses Cooperate to Defeat CRISPR,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
“The Viruses That Eavesdrop on Their Hosts,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
Week 8: Extinctions and Mass Mortality Events
“Recent shifts in the occurrence, cause, and magnitude of animal mass mortality events,” published in PNAS in 2015 [link]
“A Starfish-Killing Disease Is Remaking the Oceans,” published in The Atlantic in 2019 [link]
“Why Did Two-Thirds of These Weird Antelope Suddenly Drop Dead?,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
“What We Can Learn From the Near-Death of the Banana,” published in Time Magazine in 2019 [link]
The Chytrid Fungus:
“Amphibian fungal panzootic causes catastrophic and ongoing loss of biodiversity,” published in Science in 2019 [link]
“The Worst Disease Ever Recorded,” published in The Atlantic in 2019 [link]
“The Cascading Consequences of the Worst Disease Ever,” published in The Atlantic in February 2020 [link]
Inherited Disease Across Life
Week 9: Inherited Disease Across Life
Heart Disease:
“The Feint of Heart: Why We Pass Out,” Chapter 2 of Zoobiquity
“Scared to Death: Heart Attacks in the Wild,” Chapter 6 of Zoobiquity
Mental Health:
“Grooming Gone Wild: Pain, Pleasure, and the Origins of Self-Injury,” Chapter 8 of Zoobiquity
“Fear of Feeding: Eating Disorders in the Animal Kingdom,” Chapter 9 of Zoobiquity
“A Landmark Study on the Origins of Alcoholism,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
Cancer:
“Jews, Jaguars, and Jurassic Cancer: New Hope for an Ancient Diagnosis,” Chapter 3 of Zoobiquity
“Elephants Have a Secret Weapon Against Cancer,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
Diabetes:
“The Blind Fish That Should Have Diabetes, But Somehow Doesn’t,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
Week 10: Allergy and Autoimmune Diseases
Allergies:
“Comparative Immunology of Allergic Responses,” published in Annual Reviews in 2015 [link]
“Early life factors that affect allergy development,” published in Nature Reviews Immunology in 2017 [link]
“Pet-keeping in early life reduces the risk of allergy in a dose-dependent fashion,” published in PLOS ONE in 2018 [link]
“Comparisons of Allergenic and Metazoan Parasite Proteins: Allergy the Price of Immunity,” published in PLOS Computational Biology in 2015 [link]
“Interactions between helminth parasites and allergy,” published in Current Opinion in Allergy and Clinical Immunology in 2009 [link]
Autoimmunity:
“Human autoimmune diseases: a comprehensive update,” published in The Journal of Internal Medicine in 2015 [link]
“Thymic tolerance as a key brake on autoimmunity,” published in Nature Immunology in 2018 [link]
“Regulatory T cells in autoimmune disease,” published in Nature Immunology in 2018 [link]
“Narcolepsy confirmed as autoimmune disease,” published in Nature News in 2013 [link]
Co-Evolution of the Human Immune System and Infectious Agents
Week 11: Co-Evolution of Microbial Pathogens and Their Hosts
“Rapid evolution of microbe-mediated protection against pathogens in a worm host,” published in The International Society for Microbial Ecology Journal in 2016 [link]
“The evolution of the host microbiome as an ecosystem on a leash,” published in Nature in 2017 [link]
“Harnessing the Power of Defensive Microbes: Evolutionary Implications in Nature and Disease Control,” published in PLOS Pathogens in 2016 [link]
“Some Microbes Have Been With Us Since Before We Existed,” published in The Atlantic in 2017 [links]
Relationships Between Bacteriophages, Bacteria, and the Human Immune System:
“Virus tricks the immune system into ignoring bacterial infections,” Nature News in 2019 [link]
“Bacteriophage trigger antiviral immunity and prevent clearance of bacterial infection,” published in Science in 2019 [link]
“We Might Absorb Billions of Viruses Every Day,” published in The Atlantic in 2017 [link]
Week 12: Human Evolution and Disease
“Signatures of Environmental Genetic Adaptation Pinpoint Pathogens as the Main Selective Pressure through Human Evolution,” published in PLOS Genetics in 2011 [link]
“Natural selection contributed to immunological differences between hunter-gatherers and agriculturalists,” published in Nature Ecology and Evolution in 2019 [link]
“How Viruses Infiltrated Our DNA and Supercharged Our Immune System,” published in The Atlantic in 2016 [link]
“Migrating microbes: what pathogens can tell us about population movements and human evolution,” published in Annals of Human Biology in 2017 [link]
Plasmodium falciparum and Sickle Cell:
“How Malaria Has Affected the Human Genome and What Human Genetics Can Teach Us about Malaria,” published in The American Journal of Human Genetics in 2005 [link]
“Sickle-cell mystery solved,” Nature News in 2011 [link]
“Hemoglobins S and C Interfere with Actin Remodeling in Plasmodium falciparum–Infected Erythrocytes,” published in Science in 2011 [link]
The Evolution of the Placenta:
“The Viruses That Made Us Human,” published by PBS in 2016 [link]
“Retroviruses and the Placenta,” published in Current Biology in 2012 [link]
“The placenta goes viral: Retroviruses control gene expression in pregnancy,” published in PLOS Biology in 2018 [link]
Microbial Inhabitants and Infectious Agents of the Human Body
Overview of common viruses, bacteria, and eukaryotes, pathogenic and not, and a history of disease outbreaks.
This class is an introduction to our neighbors in the human body: common viruses, bacteria, and eukaryotes—helpful, neutral, pathogen, or some combination of the three—that we share our bodies and our lives with, and which have profound impacts on both.
At the end of this course, you should have a broad understanding of the kinds of microbes that live in the human body and how they affect our health. You should also have a perspective and opinion on disease outbreaks throughout history, and the lessons we have hopefully learned from them. Finally, you should be able to critically read primary literature and use it to contribute to the broad conversation about human health in both speech and writing.
We meet on Mondays and Wednesdays. On Mondays, this is a lecture class, covering the texts and the topics listed below. On Wednesdays, this is a fast-paced discussion-based class. Every Wednesday meeting starts with a prescribed question, then progresses to your questions, switching topics at any ≥30-second lull in conversation.
The first week, I would like you to read all five papers. Every week after, you are responsible for reading at least two of the provided texts closely enough to be an expert, and for skimming or lightly reading at least three of the others to whatever extent is necessary for you to be able to respond to arguments and carry on intelligent conversation. In both cases, you are expected to go beyond what we cover in the Monday lecture. Come to class on Wednesday with at least three unique and interesting questions about the text(s) you choose to focus on or their implications to discuss with your colleagues. Highlighted texts are strongly recommended.
This class is a safe space. Please feel welcome to share your questions, thoughts, and opinions, even ones that seem “dumb” or “wrong.” We will work through them with empathy together as a class. To enable this atmosphere, please approach debate and discussion with empathy and enthusiasm, and remember that we are growing together and through each other. One of my favorite professors in undergrad started the semester distinguishing uncomfortable and unsafe. Fruitful discussion and growth can, at times, feel uncomfortable. If at any point this class makes you feel unsafe, let me know.
In lieu of a final exam, you will choose your favorite question proposed by a classmate (not by me and not by you) and write a 500- to 1500-word response to it drawn from the text and from class discussion. I will compile all responses into one anonymized document, and you will choose at least three classmates’ thoughts to respond to in generous tweet-length (≤250 words).
We include both scientific papers and publications from other media. I hope that every week, we will have a balance of experts in all texts in all formats, and that we start every new week more knowledgable and thoughtful than we were the week before.
Introduction
Week 1: A Bird’s-Eye View
“Introduction to Pathogens,” from Molecular Biology of the Cell, published in 2002 [link]
“Cell Biology of Infection,” from Molecular Biology of the Cell, published in 2002 [link]
“Visualizing the History of Pandemics,” published in Visual Capitalist on March 14, 2020 [link]
“The Microbiome and Human Biology,” published in Annual Review of Genomics and Human Genetics in 2017 [link]
“Highlights from studies on the gut microbiome,” published in Nature Outlook in January 2020 [link]
Neutral or Helpful Inhabitants
Week 2: The Microbiome, and Occasionally Helpful Parasites
The Microbiome:
“Man and the Microbiome: A New Theory of Everything?” published in Annual Review of Clinical Psychology in 2019 [link]
“No Vacancy: How beneficial microbes cooperate with immunity to provide colonization resistance to pathogens,” published in The Journal of Immunology in 2015 [link]
“When Poop Becomes Medicine,” published in The Atlantic in 2018 [link]
“A Probiotic Skin Cream Made With a Person’s Own Microbes,” published in The Atlantic in 2017 [link]
“The Hottest New Cancer Drugs Depend on Gut Microbes,” published in The Atlantic in 2015 [link]
“How Bacteria Could Protect Tumors From Anticancer Drugs,” published in The Atlantic in 2017 [link]
“A Tiny Tweak to Gut Bacteria Can Extend an Animal’s Life,” published in The Atlantic in 2017 [link]
Parasites:
“Friendly foes: The evolution of host protection by a parasite,” published in Evolution Letters in 2017 [link]
“Parasites inside your body could be protecting you from disease,” published in The Conversation [link]
“Helminth infection, fecundity, and age of first pregnancy in women,” published in Science in 2015 [link]
Week 3: GB Virus C, a Helpful Virus
“GB virus C: the good boy virus?” published in Trends in Microbiology in 2012 [link]
“Effect of early and late GB virus C viraemia on survival of HIV-infected individuals: a meta-analysis,” published in HIV Medicine in 2006 [link]
“GBV-C/HIV-1 coinfection is associated with low HIV-1 viral load and high CD4+ T lymphocyte count,” published in Archives of Virology in 2017 [link]
“Pegivirus avoids immune recognition but does not attenuate acute-phase disease in a macaque model of HIV infection,” published in PLOS Pathogens in 2017 [link]
“Fighting the Public Health Burden of AIDS With the Human Pegivirus,” published in American Journal of Epidemiology in May 2019 [link]
“GB Virus C Coinfections in West African Ebola Patients,” published in Journal of Virology in 2015 [link]
Harmful Inhabitants
Week 4: The Common Cold and Influenza (and why they won’t go away)
The Common Cold:
“Rhinoviruses,” Chapter 238 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
“Human Coronaviruses,” Chapter 222 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
“Adenoviruses,” Chapter 210 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
“The Economic Burden of Non–Influenza-Related Viral Respiratory Tract Infection in the United States,” published in Archives of Internal Medicine in 2013 [link]
“Why Haven’t We Cured the Common Cold Yet?” published in Scientific American in 2018 [link]
Curing the Common Cold:
“Scientists think the common cold may at last be beatable,” published in STAT in 2016 [link]
“A polyvalent inactivated rhinovirus vaccine is broadly immunogenic in rhesus macaques,” published in Nature Communications in 2016 [link]
“Scientists close in on a cure for the common cold,” published in Stanford Medicine Scope in 2019 [link]
“Enterovirus pathogenesis requires the host methyltransferase SETD3,” published in Nature Microbiology in 2019 [link]
Influenza:
“Influenza Viruses,” Chapter 229 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
“Plague genome: The Black Death decoded,” Nature News 2011 [link]
“Yersinia pestis and the plague of Justinian 541-543 AD: a genomic analysis,” published in 2014 [link]
“A draft genome of Yersinia pestis from victims of the Black Death,” published in Nature in 2011 [link]
Smallpox:
“A time transect of exomes from a Native American population before and after European contact,” published in Nature in 2016 [link]
“How Europeans brought sickness to the New World,” Science News 2015 [link]
Typhoid Mary:
“Mary Mallon (1869-1938) and the history of typhoid fever,” published in the Annals of Gastroenterology in 2013 [link]
“Typhoid Mary’s tragic tale exposed the health impacts of ‘super-spreaders’,” published in National Geographic in March 2020 [link]
“A Life in Pursuit of Health,” about Josephine Baker, published in The New York Times in 2013 [link]
And a Few Other Superspreaders:
“Extensive Transmission of Mycobacterium tuberculosis from a Child,” published in The New England Journal of Medicine in 1999 [link]
“Party Zero: How a Soirée in Connecticut Became a ‘Super Spreader,’” published in The New York Times on March 23, 2020 [link]
Week 6: Plasmodium/Malaria
“Plasmodium Species (Malaria),” Chapter 271 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
“About Malaria,” CDC, especially “FAQs” [link], “Disease” [link], “Biology” [link], “Where Malaria Occurs” [link], and “Malaria’s Impact Worldwide” [link]
“The History of Malaria, an Ancient Disease,” by the CDC [link]
“Greater political commitment needed to eliminate malaria,” published in Infectious Diseases of Poverty in 2019 [link]
“Malaria Genomics in the Era of Eradication,” published in Cold Spring Harbor Perspectives in Medicine in 2017 [link]
How Malaria Spread to Humans and Around the World:
“Resurrection of the ancestral RH5 invasion ligand provides a molecular explanation for the origin of P. falciparum malaria in humans,” published in PLOS Biology in 2019 [link]
“Human migration and the spread of malaria parasites to the New World,” published in Nature in 2018 [link]
Acquired Immunity:
“Quantification of anti-parasite and anti-disease immunity to malaria as a function of age and exposure,” published in eLife in 2018 [link]
“Malaria: Age, exposure and immunity,” in eLife as an Insight, 2018 [link]
“Host-mediated selection impacts the diversity of Plasmodium falciparum antigens within infections,” published in Nature Communications in 2018 [link]
Week 7: Hepatitis A
“Hepatitis A Virus,” Chapter 237 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
“Widespread outbreaks of hepatitis A across the United States,” CDC, March 2020 [link]
“Increase in Hepatitis A Virus Infections – United States, 2013-2018,” CDC, 2019 [link]
“Summary of reported hepatitis A cases linked to person-to-person outbreak, Massachusetts, April 1, 2018-March 6, 2020,” MA DPH [link]
“Forgotten but Not Gone: Learning From the Hepatitis A Outbreak and Public Health Response in San Diego,” published in Topics in Antiviral Medicine in 2019 [link]
“Molecular Genotyping of Hepatitis A Virus, California, USA, 2017–2018,” published in Emerging Infectious Diseases in 2019 [link]
“Emergence of Hepatitis A Virus Genotype IIIA during an Unprecedented Outbreak in New Hampshire, 2018-2019,” unpublished
Bathroom Access:
“An outbreak waiting to happen: Hepatitis A marches through San Diego’s homeless community,” published in STAT in 2017 [link]
“After crackdown on tent city, homeless recount Hepatitis horror stories,” published in the San Diego Union-Tribune in 2017 [link]
“Hepatitis A outbreak sparks call for L.A. to give homeless people more street toilets,” published in The Los Angeles Times in 2017 [link]
“The Politics of Going to the Bathroom,” published in The Nation in 2019 [link]
Herd Immunity and Co-Infections:
“Notes from the Field: Acute Hepatitis A Virus Infection Among Previously Vaccinated Persons with HIV Infection – Tennessee, 2018,” CDC, 2019 [link]
“Herd Immunity Likely Protected the Men Who Have Sex With Men in the Recent Hepatitis A Outbreak in San Diego, California,” published in Clinical Infectious Diseases in 2019 [link]
Week 8: HIV/AIDS
The Virus:
“Introduction to Retroviridae” Chapter 231 [link] and “Human Immunodeficiency Virus” Chapter 233 [link] of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018
History:
“HIV epidemiology. The early spread and epidemic ignition of HIV-1 in human populations,” published in Science in 2014 [link]
“Origins of HIV and the AIDS Pandemic,” published in Cold Spring Harbor Perspectives in Medicine in 2011 [link]
“Response to the AIDS Pandemic—A Global Health Model,” published in The New England Journal of Medicine in 2013 [link]
“The Reagan Administration’s Unearthed Response to the AIDS Crisis is Chilling,” published in Vanity Fair in 2015 [link]
“How the Media, the White House, and Everyone Else Failed AIDS Victims in the 80s,” published in VICE in 2016 [link]
“Long-term survivors of HIV/AIDS reflect on what they’ve witnessed and endured,” published on PBS in February 2020 [link]
HIV/AIDS today:
“Today’s HIV/AIDS Epidemic,” CDC Fact Sheet published in 2016 [link]
“Ending AIDS? These three places show the epidemic is far from over,” published in Science News in 2018 [link]
Curing HIV:
“Loss and Recovery of Genetic Diversity in Adapting Populations of HIV,” published in PLOS Genetics in 2014 [link]
“Second person cured of HIV is still free of active virus two years on,” in CNN on March 11, 2020 [link]
“Evidence for HIV-1 cure after CCR5Δ32/Δ32 allogeneic haemopoietic stem-cell transplantation 30 months post analytical treatment interruption: a case report,” published in The Lancet on March 10, 2020 [link]
“Sequential LASER ART and CRISPR Treatments Eliminate HIV-1 in a Subset of Infected Humanized Mice,” published in Nature Communications in 2019 [link]
Week 9: Viral Hemorrhagic Fevers: Ebola and Lassa
“Filoviruses and Arenaviruses,” Chapter 230 of Principles and Practice of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, 2018 [link]
Lessons from sequencing Ebola and Lassa:
“An Outbreak of Ebola Virus Disease in the Lassa Fever Zone,” published in The Journal of Infectious Diseases in 2016 [link]
“Clinical Sequencing Uncovers Origins and Evolution of Lassa Virus,” published in Cell in 2015 [link]
“Genomic surveillance elucidates Ebola virus origin and transmission during the 2014 outbreak,” published in Science in 2014 [link]
“Ebola Virus Epidemiology, Transmission, and Evolution during Seven Months in Sierra Leone,” published in Cell in 2015 [link]
“Ebola Virus Epidemiology and Evolution in Nigeria,” published in The Journal of Infectious Diseases in 2016 [link]
“Temporal and spatial analysis of the 2014–2015 Ebola virus outbreak in West Africa,” published in Nature in 2015 [link]
“Rapid outbreak sequencing of Ebola virus in Sierra Leone identifies transmission chains linked to sporadic cases,” published in Virus Evolution in 2016 [link]
“The evolution of Ebola virus: Insights from the 2013–2016 epidemic,” published in Nature in 2016 [link]
Ebola adaptations to host:
“Virus genomes reveal factors that spread and sustained the Ebola epidemic,” published in Nature in 2017 [link]
“Ebola Virus Glycoprotein with Increased Infectivity Dominated the 2013-2016 Epidemic,” published in Cell in 2016 [link]
Week 10: Genomic Epidemiology and Modern Outbreak Response
“Tracking virus outbreaks in the twenty-first century,” published in Nature Microbiology in January 2020 [link]
“Precision epidemiology for infectious disease control,” published in Nature Medicine in 2019 [link]
“Real-time digital pathogen surveillance — the time is now,” published in Genome Biology in 2015 [link]
Ebola:
“Knowledge of Ebola is the weapon to fight it,” published in The Boston Globe in 2014 [link]
“Roots, Not Parachutes: Research Collaborations Combat Outbreaks,” published in Cell in 2016 [link]
“Lessons from Ebola: Improving infectious disease surveillance to inform outbreak management,” published in Science Translational Medicine in 2015 [link]
Zika and mumps:
“Combining genomics and epidemiology to track mumps virus transmission in the United States,” published in PLoS Biology in February 2020 [link]
“Zika virus evolution and spread in the Americas,” published in Nature in 2017 [link]
“Genomic epidemiology reveals multiple introductions of Zika virus into the United States,” published in Nature in 2017 [link]
Week 11: Difficult Decisions and a Case Study in Progress: Coronavirus Outbreak Response
Genomic research:
“Data Sharing and Open Source Software Help Combat Covid-19,” published in WIRED on March 13, 2020 [link]
“Genome Composition and Divergence of the Novel Coronavirus (2019-nCoV) Originating in China,” published in Cell on March 11, 2020 [link]
“Probable pangolin origin of SARS-CoV-2 associated with the COVID-19 outbreak,” to be published in Cell in March 2020 [link]
“The proximal origin of SARS-CoV-2,” published in Nature Medicine on March 17, 2020 [link]
“Why the Coronavirus Has Been So Successful,” published in The Atlantic on March 20, 2020 [link]
Social measures against disease spread:
“Impact of non-pharmaceutical interventions (NPIs) to reduce COVID19 mortality and healthcare demand,” published by the Imperial College COVID-19 Response Team on March 16, 2020 [link]
“Review of Ferguson et al ‘Impact of non-pharmaceutical interventions…’” published by New England Complex Systems Institute on March 17, 2020 [link]
“The Korean Clusters,” published in Reuters on March 3, 2020 [link]
“The U.K.’s Coronavirus ‘Herd Immunity’ Debacle,” published in The Atlantic on March 16, 2020 [link]
Governmental and organizational outbreak response; economic impact and tradeoffs:
“The 4 Key Reasons the U.S. Is So Behind on Coronavirus Testing,” published in The Atlantic on March 13, 2020 [link]
“You’re Likely to Get the Coronavirus,” published in The Atlantic in February 2020 [link]
“A fiasco in the making? As the coronavirus pandemic takes hold, we are making decisions without reliable data,” published in STAT on March 17, 2020 [link]
The Daily podcast:
“Why the U.S. Wasn’t Ready for the Coronavirus” on March 11, 2020 [link]
“Learning to Live with the Coronavirus” on March 13, 2020 [link]
“Why This Recession Will Be Different” on March 16, 2020 [link]
Week 12: Disease Surveillance in the Age of Surveillance
Influenza:
“nextflu: real-time tracking of seasonal influenza virus evolution in humans,” published in Bioinformatics in 2015 [link]
“Flu Near You: Crowdsourced Symptom Reporting Spanning 2 Influenza Seasons,” published in American Journal of Public Health in 2015 [link]
“Comparison of crowd-sourced, electronic health records based, and traditional health-care based influenza-tracking systems at multiple spatial resolutions in the United States of America,” published in BMC Infectious Diseases in 2018 [link]
Coronavirus:
“This is how the CDC is trying to forecast coronavirus’s spread,” published in MIT Technology Review on March 13, 2020 [link]
“We’re not going back to normal,” published in MIT Technology Review on March 17, 2020 [link]
“Singapore is the model for how to handle the coronavirus,” published in MIT Technology Review on March 12, 2020 [link]
“To Track Coronavirus, Israel Moves to Tap Secret Trove of Cellphone Data,” published in The New York Times on March 16, 2020 [link]
Introduction to Data Analysis Methods for Biological Inference
Seminar on experimental design, modeling, working with multiple variables, wrangling messy data, genomic sequencing, and popular techniques and tools in computational biology.
This class is an introduction to some of the tools of computational biology. We will look at statistical tests and learn how to disentangle the effects of multiple variables. We will learn how to do genome-wide association studies and principal component analysis. We will learn about how genomic sequencing works, and look at how it can be used for diagnosis or discovery of novel organisms. Finally, we will learn how to use genomic sequencing to trace disease transmission. By the end of this course, you should have the tools you need to analyze your own or publicly available data.
We meet on Tuesdays and Fridays. Tuesdays are lectures on the topics and texts listed. Highlighted texts are strongly recommended. On Fridays, we meet for an extended workshop to apply the week’s tools to publicly available data or to data that you bring with you to class (except in Week 7, when we will generate new sequence data). Before every Friday, you are responsible for writing a short proposal for the week, including what dataset you plan to analyze, what tools you plan to use for what analyses, and any hypotheses you have (≤500 words). At the end of the semester, you will choose whichever workshop was most inserting or successful for you to extend into a short final project, which you can work on alone or in a group. On the last Friday of class we will go around the room and briefly summarize our analyses and findings in an informal setting over snacks.
Week 1: Experimental Design, Statistical Tests, Data Visualization
Experimental Design:
“Experimental Design,” Chapter 7 of MIT’s 6.S085 Statistics for Research Projects course notes [link]
Statistical Tests, from the Handbook of Biological Statistics, 2014:
“Visualization of multiple alignments, phylogenies and gene family evolution,” published in Nature Methods in 2010 [link]
Notes on P-Values:
“The fickle P value generates irreproducible results,” published in Nature Methods in 2015 [link]
“Aligning statistical and scientific reasoning,” published in Science in 2016 [link]
“Measurement error and the replication crisis,” published in Science in 2017 [link]
Week 2: Modeling the Effects of a Single or Multiple Variables: Part I
Regression and Other Stories (to be published in 2020):
Chapter 5: “Background on regression modeling”
Chapter 6: “Linear regression with a single predictor”
Chapter 8: “Linear regression with multiple predictors”
Chapter 9: “Transformations and model building”
Week 3: Modeling the Effects of a Single or Multiple Variables: Part II
Regression and Other Stories (to be published in 2020):
Chapter 10: “Logistic regression”
Chapter 11: “Generalized linear models”
Chapter 14: “Missing-data imputation”
Chapter 15: “Using, evaluating, and comparing models”
Appendix A: “Six quick tips to improve your regression modeling”
Week 4: Genome-Wide Association Studies, Part I
GWAS in Action:
“10 Years of GWAS Discovery: Biology, Function, and Translation,” published in The American Journal of Human Genetics in 2017 [link]
“Benefits and limitations of genomewide association studies,” published in Nature in 2019 [link]
Understanding and Using GWAS:
“Microarrays – DNA Chips,” 2017 [link] and “DNA Microarray,” 2012 [link]
“PLINK: A Tool Set for Whole-Genome Association and Population-Based Linkage Analyses,” published in The American Journal of Human Genetics in 2007 [link]
“Methods and Tools in Genome-wide Association Studies,” Chapter 5 of Computational Cell Biology, 2018 [link]
Week 5: Genome-Wide Association Studies, Part II
“Population genetics and GWAS: A primer,” published in PLOS Biology in 2018 [link]
From Principles of Population Genetics, 2007:
Chapter 9.1: “Evolution of Genome Size and Composition”
Chapter 9.2 “Genome-Wide Patterns of Polymorphism”
Chapter 9.3: “Differences Between Species”
Chapter 10.1: “Human Polymorphism”
Chapter 10.2: “Population Genetic Inferences from Human SNPs”
Chapter 2.5: “Linkage and Linkage Disequilibrium”
Chapter 2.6: “Causes of Linkage Disequilibrium”
Chapter 10.3: “Linkage Disequilibrium across the Human Genome”
Chapter 10.7: “Seeking Signatures of Human-Specific Genetic Adaptations”
Week 6: Principal Component Analysis (PCA)
PCA in Action:
“Genes mirror geography within Europe,” published in Nature in 2008 [link]
“Spatial population genomics of the brown rat (Rattus norvegicus) in New York City,” published in Molecular Ecology in 2018 [link]
“Urban rat races: spatial population genomics of brown rats (Rattus norvegicus) compared across multiple cities,” published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences in 2018 [link]
Understanding and Using PCA:
“PCA in R Using FactoMineR: Quick Scripts and Videos,” 2017 [link]
“A Step by Step Explanation of Principal Component Analysis,” 2019 [link]
“PCA: A Practical Guide to Principal Component Analysis in R & Python,” 2016 [link]
This being my first ever blog post (not really) since forever (kind of), and therefore necessitating some form of introduction, I share with you my entry in our high school class’s ten-year reunion yearbook, created in lieu of a major superspreading event.
What is your name?
Lydia Andreyevna Krasilnikova.
Where do you live now?
Cambridge, MA, USA.
What is your occupation or field that you work in?
I am a computational biologist. I study infectious disease and disease outbreaks. I also draw space cows at @nightlyfieldlog and occasionally write articles about scientist culture.
What are some life events that have occurred? (marriage, children, education, achievements, etc.)
I got my SB and MEng and am currently working on my PhD. My partner Cory and I have been together for almost nine years now. We met in college (lived in the same dorm). He’s a mechanical engineer. No kids (yet).
What is one unusual experience you have had since graduating from State High?
Teaching was weird. One of my first times reserving a room for office hours I waited way too late and the room I got was a special room above the Museum. I got a message saying I would need to pick up a key. When I came by to pick up the key the person in charge was flustered and very confused, told me I wasn’t supposed to have been able to reserve that room at all, and finally said I could have the room just for this week but that I and my students were not to eat anything while in the room and that we were absolutely not allowed to touch anything. Anyway, it turned out to be the human specimens room. It was full of skeletons, human skeletons and skeletons of human-like primates, and skulls on shelves behind glass, and stacked little cardboard boxes that I can only assume contained more bones. (In addition, the lights were automatic and apparently I don’t move that much because they kept turning off.) No students showed up to office hours that week.
High school was a magical time. I was obsessed with the radio, and I carried around a little wind-up Grundig. I knew all the stations in our town, and in the neighboring towns, and I vividly remember the staticky morning talk show wake-ups and the smell of the wet morning air in the early autumn and the hope I had for every single day. I knew all the genres of stations, and I thought I knew all the genres of people. I dressed in mostly all black, with one non-black color at a time, ostensibly to show everyone I was hardcore but secretly because I had no idea how to match colors. I ruined all my textbooks by pressing leaves between the pages. I was always late, especially to first period, and I got a decent chunk of my best studying done in detention and Saturday school with my favorite math teacher. I learned that authority figures can let you down, and that other people, including some trustworthy adults, can open doors for you and make your dreams possible. I wasn’t yet grateful for nor understood the preciousness of their consistently showing up for me (even as I did not not consistently show up to, well, anything). I unquestioningly thought I could do anything I wanted to do—which to me meant, ultimately, getting into MIT, leading to some unknown secure future, the vision or meaning of which I hadn’t thought through at all (other than, of course, an MIT boyfriend). I hadn’t yet experienced or learned about sexism—or xenophobia, or racism, or imposter syndrome, or the sadder sides of immigration, or most bad things (and I don’t think I would have gotten as far as I have if I had). As far as I knew, I was smart and hardworking and if I decided to do something it got done.
Things that would surprise then me about current me:
that radio plays much less of a part in my life
and kayaking, and camping and hiking
that, ten years out of high school, and having graduated from MIT, I live with roommates in a not-fancy apartment
that I still don’t usually feel that I belong, and that the weird awkwardness I felt in classrooms of older or cooler students never fully went away (and maybe was never about age)
that I actually did pull it off, all of it
If twelve-year-old me, lying on the carpet of her second-story bedroom at 11pm switching between homework and calling friends on the light tan corded phone (yes, actually) and obsessively refreshing the MIT Admissions blogs, could see me, I think, she would be beyond thrilled, floored, some kind of astonished. I achieved most of her dreams. I got into MIT. I blogged for MIT Admissions, which was my browser homepage and obsession (obsession) from ages 12 through 18. I don’t think I can overstate what a big deal that would have been to her. (People even read my writing! Sometimes a lot of people, and sometimes a lot.) I finished a double major that sounds like a triple major. I got an MEng. I got my MIT boyfriend.
Writing it out, it sounds ridiculous. I even got into Harvard for grad school after MIT, which I hadn’t even bothered to imagine. I even wrote for Technology Review, not once but multiple times, in print (my own name, in a byline, in print)—the same magazine a younger me was utterly entranced by at an alum family friend’s parents’ house, the very origin of the foundation for the future self that I spent the next half-decade carefully planning and imagining and singularly working toward. I was even on TV. I was even on the cover of a newspaper. It all happened.
I am not the person I think I thought I would be, nor am I anymore the person who imagined her. I’m steadier, I hope, and my risks are more measured, which may or may not be a good thing. I have thinner skin and a softer shell. I care deeply, far too deeply, about what people think of me—not just the clothes and the music, but my academic accomplishments and my mind and my career. I’m far less confident, even as I’ve progressed academically, even as I’ve gotten far more comfortable around people and inside my own body. I’ve disappointed a lot of people whose opinions I care about, including myself—something that just wasn’t possible back then. I’m more concerned about other people in general, and not just in a bad way. I’m kinder to my body. I’m more concerned about balance.
Sometimes I wonder what that younger me, the designer, the true me, as she seems to be in my head, would do with the opportunities and challenges I have. I wish I could transplant her into my mind for a week, either to take the lead on my work or to sit back and critique. What would she think of my PhD so far? She’d probably work far harder, or at least with more focus, with absolutely no self-doubt. She probably wouldn’t hesitate or wait for permission or approval. Would she be a better self-advocate? Would she be unshakable in pursuing her goals? Would she speak up more aggressively for her ideas, and do a better job of asking for resources to carry them out?
Clearly the thing I miss, really really miss, about the person I used to be is her assured, steady confidence, or at least what I remember as assured, steady confidence. Where did it come from? Supportive parents? A stable, comfortable home and academic life? Mostly supportive teachers, at least in the subjects that mattered? Easier, less open-ended day-to-day tasks with tangible goals and endpoints? Did it come from not having yet experienced a pileup of history of failure? a lack of exposure to criticism? not yet having experienced or named sexism and the various usual injustices? Was it just a quality of being a teenager, some level of blindness to failure or criticism—social skills sufficiently underdeveloped to not notice or care about anyone’s opinion of me or have my own real opinion or awareness of myself? Did I simply not have an awareness of the distance between myself and the person I wanted to be? Or was the person I wanted to be sufficiently vague or shrouded in distant adulthood to be beyond comparison? Did being a child make my shortcomings easier for me to accept? Or was it perhaps something more positive: a healthier attitude about failure, or something that gave me the perspective to not be wobbled by it? Was it the constant, hovering presence of a professional goal that reached beyond any one person or subgoal, large enough and far enough away that it could be reached by wiggling around any steps I missed? Was it my many, many hobbies, giving me something other than my career to invest my heart into? Was it the presence and support of family and friends who I felt truly knew me?—in which case, was it the ability to talk through setbacks or negative experiences or my perception of another person’s judgement, again and again and again, to several separate people? or was it the knowledge that here, in this place where I am safe, are people who love me, even knowing me? Perhaps knowing that there are people who consistently see me and consistently love me cause feeling otherwise unloved or unseen to become bearable, any other person’s opinion or moods not quite as important. Or is the problem with self-worth during a PhD the concentration of responsibility for evaluation into a far smaller number of people, sometimes just one, often for an entire six years? In that case, it should be important to de-densify that authority—introduce more mentors, more authority figures, preferably some of them supportive to balance out any overweighed trauma from the others.
One idea that has been causing me particular dissonance is that high school me seemed to have time for everything. She filled up the school day with nonstop classes, cramming more classes where there were supposed to be study halls or lunch periods, missing a few days a week of easier classes to cram even more classes in where they already literally couldn’t fit. But I don’t remember homework or classes being my whole life, or even most of it. My memories are mostly in between classes (gossiping, so much gossiping, holding hands, making out in the hallway—horrifyingly embarrassing to think of now) or, especially, before and after school. A lot of my social life was in Science Olympiad—more gossiping, learning to use power tools (and hot glue and gorilla glue and gorilla tape), building tiny cars and water clocks and wooden airplanes I was so proud of—, starting in eighth grade and ending in eleventh, when I left high school. I was obsessed (obsessed) with getting the team to Nationals (I didn’t—we didn’t, and I cried on the last bus ride home from States). I kayaked multiple days a week and most of the weekend many weekends, especially in the not-freezing seasons. On top of that my family went on near constant adventures, skiing and biking and hiking and weekend camping trips around Pennsylvania. I also remember long nights coding personal projects, working on my first attempt(s) at a blog, trying to learn to sew clothes, baking experiments like that handful of times I made phyllo dough from scratch. And then my obsession with photography, going on what I called photography expeditions, then spending hours and hours editing photos of butterflies or trees or sunsets or the moon and adding a color-coordinated border and uploading to deviantART and talking with strangers online about my photographs and their photographs and about photography in general. And, of course, constantly AIM-ing with my friends, dissecting and analyzing crushes and homework and teachers and goals—this not including the hour a day dedicated to phone calls with boyfriends or prospective boyfriends or the time spent vaguely hanging out/loitering on school property or playing hide-and-seek tag after dark on Fridays in the park on the way home from school (that and another form of tag on the actual playground equipment right when it got just dark enough for someone to get injured on playground equipment but yet not dark enough to make hide-and-seek extra spooky).
There definitely wasn’t actually enough time: I cut class or slept through class or got sick and missed class constantly, at least once a week, which must have been an awful rollercoaster for my parents and a ridiculous mess for my teachers to watch and try to grapple with year after year after year. I would pull all-nighter to get work done, only to fall asleep and miss class and not turn in the work I did anyway. Then turn work in late; then probably fall behind, though I don’t actually remember ever being behind. Then do it again. (The trick was to get into just enough trouble to get Saturday school, rather than several far less productive detentions, but not enough trouble to warrant an even less productive in-school suspension.)
And yet I remember this time, and my time at MIT right after it, as remarkably productive, even though I definitely spent far more time on things that are not my job than I do now. Which is too bad—it seems I am working harder, but far less effectively, perhaps because I am working harder.
So here are some action items, borrowed from a happy childhood, to cultivate well-earned self-confidence for a better, less traumatizing, perhaps even empowering PhD/current career stage experience—maybe even a better, less traumatizing career overall.
Choose your mentors carefully. Have several, meet with them regularly, and solicit feedback. If your current career stage is structured such that you get feedback from only one person, or only one person’s feedback matters to your career, acquire additional mentors and do your best to dilute that one person’s power over you (even if they are supportive and that power feels like a good thing).
Develop a larger goal that reaches far beyond your current career stage—far enough away that a failure now or loss of support from any one person could be wiggled around to still reach the larger goal through another path.
Have family and/or friends who you feel truly and consistently see you, and truly and consistently love you for exactly who you are. Talk with those people often, and do the same for them.
Have hobbies that are important to you and give you fulfillment that is completely separate from your primary career.
Make (substantial) time for your hobbies and family and friends. Don’t cut them out because you think you will get more work done. You won’t, apparently. Work less.
Make good friends at work/in your lab to make the whole thing more bearable and hopefully even fun, at least sometimes. Spend more time talking with people, and listening to people, and being friendly.
Remember your younger self, who would be so proud of who you are and how far you have come.
Update: my favorite math teacher, who presided over Saturday school, has informed me that apparently while I did have Saturday school sometimes, I mostly showed up voluntarily, just for fun, to sit and work and be focused. (What a nerd.)